(More) Angsty Poetry

You guys probably know from my poetry post of about two weeks ago that I had a lot of problems with my roommates. I was getting bullied pretty badly, but that’s all over now. I’m in a great new room and I really like my new roommate. I’m okay, I promise, despite how this poem might sound. I actually wrote this one before the first one and before I decided to move rooms, so you can see the added despair of not knowing when it was going to end.

But like I said, it’s all over now, and I’m doing great! I wouldn’t even post this, because part of me just wants to forget, but gosh darn it, it’s a really good poem and I’m running low on blog fodder. So here you go.

The Loneliness of Contempt

It’s been a long time since you felt this way
Like you’re drowning in contempt,
Swimming in pain.
What are you supposed to do
When the reason they hate you
Is just that you’re you?
When you’ve caved in and bowed down,
When you’ve played all their games
And it still ends up the same?
When you run and hide
You spend all your time outside
Of their house…

Because it is their house.
You’re only a trespasser,
A servant meant to bow down to your masters.
They use you when they can
And then abuse you when they can’t
If you do one wrong thing,
Be ready for Hell
Because Lord knows they’ll tell you.
Never mind their own failings
Or planks in their eye
And never mind how hard you try
You’re tired…

You’re tired of pain, of bullies, of comments that bite
Tired of their laughter turning to
Crickets in the night,
Because their silence, sometimes,
Is even worse than their spite.
You’re tired of teasing
That constant jibing without reason
Even if what feels like an eternity
Is only a season.
Even if it all ends soon,
You’re tired of feeling lonely
When there’s two other people in the room.

I hope you liked it. I hope the poem touched you somehow and if you’ve been feeling like me, I want you to know that you can feel better again. The most important thing I did to get out of that bad situation was to talk to someone, in my case, my mom and my RA. If it’s a roommate issue you’re having, understand that sometimes, you just can’t fix the situation and the best thing to do is to remove yourself from it.

My post tomorrow will be a more lighthearted advice post on being a good blog reader. Because Lord knows there’s been enough advice on how to be a good blog writer.

See y’all tomorrow!

Say Cheese

I’ve been having a lot of problems with my roommates since I got to college. I’m really not sure why, but they never seemed to like me. Well, long story short, everything finally came to a head last week and I moved rooms this Friday. I’m feeling immeasurably better, so I wanted to share some poetry I wrote last week when I realized that I needed to change rooms.

Say Cheese!

They say that if you smile,
You start to feel it on the inside.
Well, I don’t know who “they” are,
But they’re full of it.
Because right now I’m smiling,
But it’s not stopping the tears
From streaming down my cheeks.
I can’t even hide the pain anymore,
So what’s the point in trying?
It’s been so long since I’ve felt safe,
I don’t know what I’ll do,
When I can feel it again.
But I take hope,
Because I’ll be out of this Hell soon.
I can almost see the silver lining
In these dark, forbidding clouds.
I can almost feel a real smile forming.
So maybe there’s something to this
Smiling through the pain, after all.

P.S. By the way, I wanted to let you all know that I will be posting every day in November as I take part in NaBloPoMo (National Blog Post Month, the blog version of NaNoWriMo). You’re all about to be seeing a lot more of me!

What I’d Like to Say

Open your eyes.

It’s not that hard.

You’d think I was asking

For your bank card.

 

You like to think that you’re smart,

And you’re above all of us.

When I call out your friends,

You’re like, “What’s the fuss?”

 

You say that I’m wrong

When I show you the facts.

When you get scared,

It’s just attack, attack, attack.

 

You like to call me names

Like this is some game,

Like if you say it enough,

It’ll just go away.

 

You say I’m ignorant,

But the ignorant one is you.

I really can’t blame you;

It’s what you were raised to do.

Ignorance isn’t a state of mind;

It’s a state of being.

You shouldn’t use words

When you don’t know their meanings.

 

You like to sit in the dark

And wonder if I’m right,

So why don’t you open your eyes

And turn on the lights?