Tips for guys on dating sites

I want to preface this by saying that I like guys. That’s the reason I’m on a dating site. I’d kinda like to find one of my own. If you’re a guy reading this, know that I’m not going to be mean (sarcastic, oh yes), and I really do want to help.

And boy do you need help.

Having spent a few weeks on Christian Mingle, I’ve noticed a few trends among the fellows whose profiles I have viewed. Below are a collection of my tips for guys who are trying to find that special lady on a dating site.

1. NO ONE looks good in a low-angle picture.

This is probably the most egregious assault on the eyes that I have noticed. I don’t understand what it is with guys and low-angle photos. Do you think that you’re going to look bigger and more powerful?

Because you don’t. You look dumb. Let me illustrate.

The below picture is me from today. I took it from a straight on angle.

jan-19-2017

I don’t normally take selfies, but I wanted to show my mom how the new shirt she bought me fit.

It’s not the best picture. My phone doesn’t really take good pictures. But it doesn’t have to be perfect. I look good enough in it.

Now let me show you a low-angle photo. Same basic smile and same outfit.

crap-pic

Blegh!

It’s not attractive. It’s never attractive. No one wants to look up your nose. Even if you don’t have them, this kind of photo makes you look like you have three chins.

So fellas, if you’re looking for Mrs. Right, avoid the low-angle photos.

2. Just have YOU in your main profile photo

I don’t know about other dating sites, but Christian Mingle lets you choose several photos, but there’s one main one that everyone will see. This ought to be your best photo, and more importantly, it needs be to just you.

There will be plenty of other photos that can show off your cool car or how fun you are with your friends. Your main profile photo is not the photo to do that in. I can’t tell you how many times I have clicked on someone’s profile, just to find out that the person I thought I was interested in was not the correct person out of the ten in the profile photo.

No one likes guessing games. Girls don’t like having to guess which guy she’s looking at. So just stick to you in the profile photo. Because if it’s more than one person, chances are that girls are going to decide to pass on you just to avoid the detective work.

3. Show your FACE in the profile

It’s a stereotype that guys are more visual than girls, and that’s true to a certain extent, but girls are looking for someone easy on the eyes as well. It’s all well and good to be attracted to someone’s mind and heart, but if we’re not also attracted to you physically, well… You’re probably out of luck.

Do not make your profile photo a picture of you on your bike in a motorcycle helmet, no matter how cool it looks. Don’t make it a picture of you, but from really far away, so that your face is indistinguishable. And for the love of God, do not make your profile picture a photo of your abs. We like abs, yes, but your face needs to be nice too.

This goes back to point I made in the last one. No one wants to go digging to find out what you look like.

Also, as a side note, make sure the photo you’re submitting fits the specs of the site. I have had to click on many a headless man to see what his face looks like because he didn’t bother to make sure I could see it. Crop your photos!

The take-away here: Faces are important.

4. Do not make your profile photo a picture of you and another girl your age

I don’t care if it’s your sister. I don’t care if it’s your cousin. I don’t care if it’s the best picture of you ever taken. Having a girl (especially just you and a girl) in your photo will make me think you’re unavailable.

This actually goes for all of your photos, and not just your profile photo. Especially if you don’t write a caption explaining who the girl is, that makes your profile an automatic no-go.

Again, crop your photos. We’ll understand a cropped photo.

Another side note: Maybe don’t make every picture a photo of you with your mom either. That’s… um, a tad bit weird.

5. Don’t lie on your profile

lying malarkey.gif

Biden memes will long outlive the Obama years. And rightly so.

If you aren’t a brain surgeon, don’t say you’re a brain surgeon. If you are in brain surgery school, that’s cool. Just don’t call yourself a brain surgeon. There are few things that ladies hate more than lying.

By the way, it’s possible to lie in your pictures. If every photo of you is you with your very attractive friends, and you’re not a particularly attractive guy, then you’re probably relying on girls thinking your friends are you (or at least, that’s what we’ll think). And that’s obnoxious.

Look, I get it. I’m not a supermodel. I don’t always like how I look. But don’t try to hide who you are, whether that’s in how you look or what you’re like as a person. If you’re on a site like this for the right reasons, then you want someone to message you and eventually fall in love with you for who you are, not who you’re pretending to be.

6. Fill out all the questions

In the same vein of “girls want to know who you are,” go ahead and fill out any questions that the site asks you. Don’t be afraid to be yourself.

Sure there have been times when I’ve read something someone wrote that made me uninterested, but there have been many more times when I just couldn’t find out anything about them, so I decided that it wasn’t worth it. Don’t give a girl a reason to turn away.

Personally, for me, politics is very important. I’m quite conservative, so I likely wouldn’t be able to date a liberal for very long (maybe a little bit, if he was really cute. Just being honest here). I have found myself reading someone’s bio and made it to the politics section and found nothing, and then I just decided not to keep looking.

You want to give the ladies you want to attract a reason to be attracted to you beyond the physical motivation. Like I said before, girls aren’t as visually-oriented as guys are. We need the physical attraction, but we also need to be attracted to the mind and heart more.

7. Smile!

Don’t look like you’re depressed to be there. Everyone likes to see people happy. I won’t begrudge you your sexy, debonair, smolder stare, but don’t make that every picture.

smolder.gif

Unless you’re Grant Gustin, of course.

8. Do NOT make a joke profile

Most of these I’ve seen are from younger guys. I’m sure they think it’s funny. But yeah, not so much for people who are really looking. Or maybe I don’t share your sense of humor.

Just don’t do it, okay? It’s super annoying.

***

That’s about all I can think of right now. I sincerely hope this list is helpful for some guys. And girls, if you find yourself violating any of these tips, then you might want to change too. I’m sure girls have their own annoying issues on dating sites, but I wouldn’t know. I’m not looking for a lady.

I want a manly man.

manly man wolverine.gif

Yeah, like that.

Do you have any dating site tips? Let me know in the comments.

Be Careful What You Read

I think we, as a society, need to learn to be careful what we read, see, and hear. It’s odd advice, I know, from a writer, but I think it’s something that needs to be said to a lot of people. We’ve probably all heard that old rhyme “be careful little eyes what you see.” I wonder how many of us take its advice seriously.

I’ll admit, it’s hard to do it today. Our society bombards us daily with sex and violence and the darkest parts of the human experience. I was writing a paper for school a few days ago that was on the subject of the entertainment industry. One of the points that I made was that I can’t name off the top of my head a single adult character on television that is celibate. The highlight of most “love” stories these days is when the main characters have sex for the first time. When I was talking about the paper with my mom later, she pointed out that often, it’s not just in the shows themselves, but actually in commercials for TV shows.

Some shows seem to run off of it. I hate to name one that is super popular, but Game of Thrones is a good example. I’ve personally never seen the show, but I’ve seen enough commercials for it and read enough reviews to know that it’s not something I want to watch. The show makes bank on subjecting viewers to graphic sex scenes and horrifying violence in nearly every episode. Maybe it has a decent plot, but to me it’s not worth it.

Honestly, all of this is dangerous. I don’t think people realize how much of a show they internalize every episode. When you’re laughing along to a romantic comedy, it’s easy to cheer for the likable protagonist when he finally gets the girl and they sleep together. When you’re glued to your seat during the heart-pounding action scenes in a movie like Jurassic World, you probably won’t notice all of the references to evolution and naturalistic thought.

We need to be careful. And some people need to be more careful than others. Personally, I can’t stand most pop or hip-hop. The genres are becoming increasingly filled with references I don’t want to hear. Even old favorites like country music is going down that path. For a long time, I’ve listened almost exclusively to Christian rock and rap. I pick my secular music very carefully. It’s not because I think I’m better than someone else who doesn’t, but it’s because I can’t handle a lot of today’s music. It gets in my head and in my heart in a way that is not glorifying to God. I’m not saying everyone, or even every Christian, should listen to only Christian music. I’m only saying that that’s what I’m doing because it helps me personally.

Sometimes, silence can drown out the bad in ways that sound never could. Sometimes, we just need to stay away from the bad. Christians in particular need to learn this. We are called to be in the world, but not of it (a la Romans 12:2). We have to guard our hearts against what the world will throw at us, and sometimes that means looking away. If you’re vulnerable to something, then get away from it. That’s not to say that we turn a blind eye to the problems of the world. But there’s a difference between knowing that something exists and participating in it, no matter how peripherally.

So please, friends, be careful what you see. Be careful what you read. Be careful of letting what you consume, consume you.

Guard your hearts.

Help! I Keep Getting in Trouble with my Parents!

I’ve noticed that I have a good amount of teenage followers on my blog. I’ve decided to write an advice post for any that might find themselves on the wrong side of their parents. (And it’s good advice for everyone to follow, not just teens.)

Are you are a teen wishing for a way to avoid getting in trouble with your parents? Would you like to stop losing your privileges? Would you like to not get grounded “for the rest of your life” every few weeks? Then boy do I have a few tips for you! Just follow these simple tips and you are guaranteed* to not get in trouble anymore.

1.    Control your tone of voice.

Seriously, this is the easiest thing in the world. All you have to do is make sure that you do not use sarcasm when addressing your folks. Sarcasm may be fine around your friends, but your elders might not appreciate it. I don’t know about you, but this first rule is the cause of most of the issues in my house. I’ve seen punishments extended for months just because of a bad tone of voice. Just learn to talk to your parents with a pleasant tone.

2.    Come home on time.

No matter how much you want to stay out late, if you have a curfew, you need to stick to it. If you really need to be out late, ask your parents. If they say no, abide by their wishes.

3.    Do your schoolwork.

One way to really tick off your parents is to not do your schoolwork. If you want to be successful at life (and your parents do want that for you), you need to be educated. I’ll be the first to admit that our current system of public schools in the U.S. leave much to be desired, but you still need to do your homework. If you don’t do your homework, people will think you are lazy, and employers don’t hire lazy people.

4.    Say you’re sorry.

This is a big one. Apologizing can be one of the most painful things in the world. But it’s worth it. When you’re wrong (and you are a teen, so you can assume that you will be often), you always need to say sorry.

5.    Do not argue with your parents.

Even if you think your parents are wrong, don’t argue with them. Chances are that they are probably right. Even if they aren’t, arguing is still a surefire way to get you in trouble. And whatever you do, do not say that you are “debating” and not “arguing.” This will just make your parents (and others) mad.

6.    Obey.

Really? You don’t want to get in trouble and yet you constantly disobey your parents. That’s not going to work. Your parents have reasons for telling you to do the things they tell you to do. Just try to remember that they have lived long enough to accumulate a bag full of regrets and lessons learned. All they want to do is make sure that you do not end up making the same mistakes they did as a reckless and know-it-all teenager.

7.    Do not scream at your parents.

I know that the impulse to raise your voice when you feel angry or wronged is very seductive, but don’t do it. It is a bad idea in almost every instance. Even if your parents yell at you, that does not give you free reign to yell back. Parents dislike being yelled at in general, and they definitely don’t enjoy it when their own offspring is doing the yelling.

8.    Do not lie to your parents.

Your parents have known you since the moment of your birth. If you are in your teens, they have been watching you very closely for at least thirteen years now. They know when you are bull-crapping them. Really! So don’t try to get away with it, because they will always find out. There is almost nothing that parents hate worse than their children lying. If you mess up, don’t hide it. Lying about it will only make it worse for you.

            Of course there are other rules that you should know to avoid trouble with the parental units, but most of those are common sense. Come to think of it, most of these are common sense too. So, use these eight rules in every interaction with your parents and you should definitely see a decrease in the amount of punishments you receive. Easy right?

 

*Well, not really guaranteed per se…